Addicted to Breath

It amazes me, truly amazes me, how impactful taking two deep breaths can be on a person. It amazes me, how if you focus on your breath your nervous system and anxiety can be adjusted.

From a young age we are told when upset to take a deep breath. I can attest to this as when I’ve babysat or been around parents with infants crying they say exactly that. Actually, it is more of a question asked, but you know what happens?!

The child LISTENS! They listen, they begin to take a deep breath, they start to calm down and then are able to listen to what the parent, guardian, or babysitter are telling them.

Slowly over time being asked to take a breath became being told to take a breath by someone of authority if we were emotional. (I don’t say upset because we all have been told it in varying degrees). I would be lying if I said that I didn’t get fired up once in a while if someone told me to take a breath.

The difference is I have become addicted to breathing. I have become addicted to the way it calms me down, addicted that natural ability to defuse my emotions, addicted to the ability to take a natural pause.

After taking two different style yoga classes in the last week I became even more aware of this addiction. One instructor taught a basic vinyasa flow with guidance and focus on breath and movement. The second instructor taught at a much more advanced level and didn’t queue breath and movement together. While I embraced the challenge of the second one I almost walked out.

Then I remembered that I control my own breath. So instead of continuing with the rest of the class I allowed myself a minute. I sat back in child’s pose and focused in on my own breath.

In doing some more research I was re-educated on the fact that shallow breathing is tied to our fight or flight instinct. Shallow breathing is most often a factor/result of stress, anxiety, depression and fear. In taking deep breaths it allows the heart rate to become normal, better oxygen flow within your blood stream and helps release the tension within your body.

My breath has helped my anxiety and my fear. It has helped me take a step back from allowing myself to throw my hands up after one week and say “Okay I did it” and beg for my old job back.

Take two deep breaths, then see where you are.  Do you notice a difference in your heartbeat? Do you notice you feel a bit clearer in the mind? Your breath is entirely within our control, there is a lot we do not control in life, but this beautiful gift of breath is one that we do. Use it!


Am I doing this right?

This thing called life, am I doing it right?

What or who defines if we are doing it right?

Will there ever truly be a definition of what “right” is?

I was telling a friend the other day that “I don’t believe there is normal, I believe there is what society tells us.”  Society tells us that we are doing life right if we have a good job with benefits, we are in a committed and healthy relationship, we are saving money, and we look picture perfect while doing it.

Thankfully, in discussions with my parents and others the only way to know if you are “doing” life right is if you are happy with how your life is.  With everything that has been going on in my life I keep wondering if I’m doing life wrong. What influences these decisions?


Do not misunderstand me, I love me some instagram. I LOVE supporting other people, especially women who are kicking butt! I see these other women kicking butt and living their best life and I wonder what am I doing in my life for it to not look like that?!

Just like we are all individual human beings with our own uniqueness SO ARE OUR LIVES! I can idolize on the kick ass yogi’s in the world and those who are making their lives devoted to travel but idolizing won’t get me very far.

I need to put into practice what I wish to happen in my life. Does it mean that I will get to whatever level in life they live, maybe! But instead of idolizing them and then getting negative because my life isn’t where theirs is I can flip the switch on mine. I can throw myself into my own yoga practice and get better for myself and continue to inspire myself and possibly people around me.

Maybe you have individuals in your life telling you that you’re “doing life wrong”. It happens, I’ve read many articles on how parents of millenial’s have a hard time understanding our work ethic or our choice in lifestyle. Thankfully, while there may be questions sometimes, I have incredibly supportive parents. I do have friends however who have tougher relationships with theirs, they don’t feel understood by their parents and have been told if they’re not doing X, Y and Z with their life then they are failing. Or worse yet, they’re not actually told by their parents that their failing, they just don’t feel respected or understood by them.

GUESS WHAT?! I give you the permission to say you are not failing at life!

People may say we are spoiled to have the choices that we have, I could agree to this. I recognize that we do probably have more choices than those who came before us. I can recognize that this sometimes may make us feel “entitled”.

However, I think we have every right to take a break. We have every right to go after our passions. We have every right to screw up, pick ourselves up, and restart. I say this to anyone

I’m here to say, you are doing it right, you are doing it exactly how, where, and when you are supposed to. If you are in a hard place remember that it is only permanent if you allow it to be.


The Universe Listens


Last fall, in discussing our future options after determining that we would in fact move to Belfast, I asked Sam “What do you think about me taking a month off?”

Little did I know that just saying it, no no no back up, just thinking it the universe heard me.

When I made the decision to leave my previous job I had nothing lined up. I had no prospects and when people asked “What are you going to do?” I simply said, “I’m not sure, I’m open to anything.” While there were days during this month and a half off that were difficult I worked on staying open during the entire time.

I choose to believe in the universe but you could believe in god, buddha, the cosmos, you name it. Regardless, many of your thoughts provide an energy that are carried out. This month and a half long sabbatical was not the only instance in my life where my thoughts were heard.

A normal occurrence is simply thinking “I don’t want to do X”, “It’s not going to be a good day”, “I’m going to get delayed because that’s just my luck.” Our thoughts create the energy that pushes us forward. Have you ever paid attention to the mornings you wake up and say “It’ll be a great day!”, what about when you started saying No to others and began putting yourself first, did you pay attention to how others treated you?

Those are just simplistic things that happen when we change our frame of mind. Our thoughts are heard. I know this sounds out there but it is something that I have come to believe deep down in my soul. I don’t mean nitpick your thoughts because they are thoughts you don’t want your mom hearing.

What I am saying though is pay attention to what thoughts you are having. If you are always saying “I’m broke, I can’t”guess what?! You are broke and you feel like your head financially can’t stay above water. If however, you state “I choose not to spend my money on this now” it’s a choice that you are making to be responsible with your money.

During this stint of unemployment was I fearful of not having money? ABSO-FREAKIN-LUTELY, I had just about $2,500 to my name. Did I stop spending? For a period of time I did but I realized that I stopped spending because I was in fear. I was the squirrel that hoards the last acorn in Ice Age. It wasn’t healthy though, and I realized that the universe is a giver and a receiver. To be abundant I needed to still spend, I do not mean spend out of my limits but I still needed to trust that spending money would bring me money.

My challenge to you today is to think about something that has happened in your life. Can you connect it to a thought you may have had? Did a friend recently appear in your life that you needed? Did you serendipitously get that killer parking spot?

If you feel like it, share with me your stories!


Why do it?

Why do you do the things you do? Do you do them for yourself? Do you do it for others? Do you do it because it is the norm?

This thought came to me as I was working out one morning.  What you have to understand is I have had a back and forth relationship with “working out” the last year.  I have sporadically been incorporating workouts into my routine.  The most consistent thing I have done is yoga, it has help my life in many ways.

While I was working out though, I asked myself “Why am I doing this?”. It was at the point where, if I had a mirror, I would be looking at myself saying “What the fuck? Why do I get up at 4 a.m. to do this? Sam is upstairs in a nice cozy bed.”

Okay now I choose to get up at 4 a.m. in theory I could wake up later or I could do it in the afternoon.  However, how my life works 4 a.m. is truly the better time as I used to complete homework in the evenings and now I like to have the evenings free to unwind from my day, practice yoga, spend time with friends, spend time with Sam or just be outside now that the weather is starting to turn.

Here is the thing though, my why is this:

  • I am being active
  • I am moving my body
  • I have the ABILITY to move my body
  • I feel better
  • I sleep better

A lot of people ask what got me into running. I had begun running a few years ago and said, “I want to run a 5k but am not sure what I want to support” because there is a 5k for almost every non-profit or group in the world. That same year a friend had been killed in a homicide/suicide the universe being an amazing thing brought me to my first 5k; his family and community created a 5k in his honor. It was my first 5k and I did it for him.

When people ask me why I workout or run or get up so early (even if I don’t have to be), my most constant answer is because I can. I may sound like a broken record when I say this but we are given an amazing beautiful life. I am gifted with good health, a body that is cooperative and moves how I want it to, so why should I not try and do things that others can’t?

This is the same attitude I take into my half marathon on June 2nd. It will be the longest distance I have run but I have hiked it so I know I can do it.

As you go about your day think of your why or your multiple why’s. Are you doing what you’re doing for yourself or for others?

**this may be a multi-part post more to come later**

A Horrible Habit


A quote many are familiar with. A truth that just keeps ringing in my brain over and over again.

Let’s see at 27 years old I thought I would have been married for roughly 2 years at minimum, in the house of my dreams built from scratch, lots of dogs, career that I am passionate about and starting a family.

Reality is 27 years old, after five years together Sam and I just bought a house and are living together alone for the first time. We have one of our dogs, I have no job and no start of a family.

Now I know that I have a good life, I am VERY grateful for the life I have and the life I have had up until this point. It does not mean that I do not compare my life to others. From the moment we wake up to the moment that we go to bed our lives are filled with comparison.

On social media we think it is best practice to go and follow all of the people that inspire us and do what we want to be doing. What I have learned is that is entirely the opposite of what we should do. The reason being is we see their continued success and while there is excitement in that, it also leaves us to be more susceptible to the “Why not me?”

I would love to follow all of the yogi’s, dog mom’s, entrepreneurs, beachbody coaches, and even a lot of the kick-a** women I have met. But the reality is I know that I am not in a place where I can cheer them on without self-doubting. So I start in little bits because the reality is that no single person’s life is perfect. Even if we know them in person, even if we see them on a daily basis, no one hands their dirty laundry out to dry.

In the same respect, I try and be as authentic as possible. But just like not everyone in town needs to know what is going on in my life (not even family!) the entire social media world doesn’t need to know either. It doesn’t mean I’m perfect, it definitely doesn’t mean I’m close, or that I have all my stuff together.

I am a human being with flaws just like the rest of the world. Can you imagine a world where we all stopped comparing ourselves? Start today and try and break the horrible habit with me.

Diving into Uncomfortable

Well here I go stepping DIVING into the uncomfortable and taking you along with me if you choose the accept the mission!

I say diving because I have leapt into an incredibly uncomfortable part of life. Now you may wonder “Why is it uncomfortable?” Let me just say it is my ego and my stubbornness that is screaming “THIS ISN’T RIGHT!”

They say this because I left the “norm”, I left my great job with benefits for an unknown career future. I left said job with no known ground to stand on other than long discussions with Sam that this was the right decision for myself and for our relationship.

Diving into this uncomfortable meant that I need to practice yoga, meditate, set a new routine, workout, dance, etc. It means that I can not sit in the house and twiddle my thumbs because then I let the fear, doubt, negativity, mean girl voice sink in.

This voice says that it isn’t right to have moved without a secured job in place. This voice says that it isn’t right to not be providing a significant amount of household income. This voice says that it isn’t right for me to not be doing something. This voice says “who do you think you are?!”

Let us just re-read that last paragraph, WHERE IN THE WORLD did that come from? A large part of it is my ego saying that I don’t need to rely on anyone, well that isn’t exactly the case. And am I not also always the one telling people that it’s not a bad thing to need help?

I am diving into the uncomfortable because I am uncomfortable with how vulnerable I am. I feel I am open to major judgement from a multitude of people for the decision I made.

The thing is though it does not matter what others think. It does not matter if it is something they approve of. It was the right decision for myself, it was the right decision for Sam and I’s relationship and that is what matters.

If you are diving into the uncomfortable, if you are diving into an unknown, if you are running forward charging at life, I raise my glass to you and say “Let’s do this together!”


New Year, New Starts


Hello one and all! My apologies for 2018 being a very lack luster year for this blog. While I had really solid intentions with my writing (and have the drafts to prove it) I allowed my life to happen.  I wanted to beat myself up about it I decided that being present in my life and embracing it were the most important things.

So here it is February 2019 and there are a large number of new beginnings. While incredibly exciting, humbling and full of adventure new beginnings can feel not so great all the time. My largest new beginning is moving with Sam to our new home two hours north of where our families are. Now if you are ridiculously connected with your family like I am you can relate that it’s REALLY hard. The weekend we moved in I cried when my parents left, I cried the day after and the day after that. The silly thing is I was coming back down to live with them for two weeks while I finished my job.

Now here’s my personal reality check, it is not silly to feel sad that this part of my journey is closing. This part of my life journey where I am not going to be physically as close to my family as I am used to. This is where we focus a lot on the exciting part of a new beginning and can gloss over the not so great parts. I am a huge optimistic person so this is one of my biggest faults. What also sucks is that I know I’ve lost friends over this, I have lost friends who may not agree with my decisions to take on this new beginning. I have lost friends who do not know how to still be in a relationship with me during this part of my journey.

New beginnings are exciting times, whether it be starting a new career, a new home, a new fitness journey, a new puppy! Regardless of the type of new beginning there will be ups and downs. If we have learned anything life is full of them and all we can do is embrace each up and each down.

With the new beginnings comes new things to write about! There have already been many sparks of magic for things to inspire my writing also, as I stated earlier I have quite a few draft posts saved from last year. I would really love feedback from you on what you like reading about. I make no promises that I can write about it on the spot but I will keep it filed for a rainy day 🙂


Do you have an inner mean girl (or Guy?)

Everyone has doubts, fears and frustrations that cause depression, anger, or sadness for ourselves and/or our own life.

I will say I have faced my inner mean girl in the mirror quite a few times. When I start doubting my own self worth, when I start doubting my ability to do something, or quite frankly when I start being judgmental of others.

“WAIT, did you just say judgmental of others?!”

Yes, yes I did because when I become judgmental of others (check out my previous post) I am truly more insecure about myself and/or my life then who they are or their actions.

My inner mean girl comes out when I see friends I know going out and partying and I wonder why I can’t do that. Well here is the reality check, I enjoy a glass of wine, good food, and good conversation. Do I enjoy going out? Sure! However, very harsh lesson this last week I do NOT enjoy going out and getting sh**faced. So why do I let my mean girl scream at me telling me it is what I SHOULD BE doing?

Can anyone answer that for me?

I sure can, I let her scream at me because I am trying to be something I am not.  My mean girl screams at me right now because I joined this fitness community for different reasons then many of those who joined.  My inner mean girl also screams at me when I am not living my own truth.  She screams at me when I feel like a fake, I don’t mean fake like trying to party hardy when I don’t and can’t.  What I mean is that she screams at me when I am working to put myself out there more and share my story.

When I write this blog, I have fully begun to embrace the not knowing. When I embrace the not knowing, my mean girl shuts up! My mean girl starts to chime in every single time I write. She chimes in because who am I to think I have anything to share with the world? Who am I to think that I will impact a single human beings life?

I will never know if I do not try.

What I also notice is that my inner mean girl screams at me when there is lots of change going on.  My life right now, well we will go with the whirlwind comparison.  At this time I can’t say things are where I thought they would be, my stress is a bit out there, I am unbalanced, not sure where my relationships stand let alone where I stand.  She’s screaming at me, shoving all my doubts, my fears, my self-conscious tendencies into my head.  Filling my head and heart with dread, frustration, sadness, fear and anger.

Heading into the holiday season our inner mean girl will probably come out a lot.  Not only because of the food we know we will consume but also because of the elaborate gifts we will see people buy, the engagements and babies that will be around every corner and the family reunions that will happen and make many feel less then.

Once again I am here to tell you that you are not alone! I’m right here with you and that the best thing you can do for yourself is start looking in the mirror more.  Find someone who can be the person that you can say “She’s screaming at me” and they know what you’re talking about and can help you shut her up.

Be you, put yourself first, and find out who you are. This doesn’t just apply to the you during the good times, it’s discovering who you are when you have doubt and fear screaming in your face.

It’s Your Story

A recurring theme in my life has been “Your Story”.  While I am a person that divulges, probably more then people wish to hear sometimes, I have learned the value of holding back.

Not everyone is supposed to hear your story and not everyone will hear it even if you tell it.  One of my favorite authors Dr. Brené Brown says “Share with people who have earned the right to hear your story”.

This summer has a tumultuous one, personally there has been a lot going on.  There’s been weddings to go to, vacations to take, relationships to mend, homework to complete, yoga to practice, workouts to do, family to see, self-care, etc. The list truly could go on, in all this chaos there has been a story that I felt I could share with those around me.

The funny thing is that sometimes these stories, we share just so that we don’t hold them in.  Yes, I am being very vague and cryptic I recognize this however at this time, my story is one that isn’t going to be shared with the world.  It may be later down the road but this story is also owned by someone else around me.

That’s the toughest part, is when the story isn’t just yours because when you tell it or share it you are only telling it from your side.  You can’t know what the other person is thinking or feeling and you try not to assume.  I’ve learned that these stories are the hardest to share because when people only hear what your side is like, they can get upset, angry, frustrated or annoyed for/with you.  This isn’t exactly healthy as it can quickly become a negativity cloud that just stays over you.

Embrace and own your story, learn who is ready to hear it, and learn how to protect it.  Not all stories are meant to be told.

So Lets Keep it Honest

Life updates galore may happen in this post so it also may not be the most uplifting but you may relate.

If you follow me on Instagram personally you know that I have been crying my eyes out for ohhh since the end of August.  While it sucks because they just come whenever I have realized it’s because I am emotionally, physically and mentally exhausted.

Now after saying all that you probably would do a double take while I say that I ADDED in being a BeachBody coach.  I’m an insane person and should probably have someone to talk to about the amount of stuff I pile on my plate, OH WAIT! I do! by the time you read this post I will probably be sitting in a chair in front of my therapist crying some more and having a long talk about my lifestyle right now.

This FINAL semester of school is turning out to be one of the busiest.  I have tried to adapt into a REALLY REALLY solid routine.  Go figure, final semester of school and I figure out how time management works.  I work 40 hour weeks, get up at 4am during the week to work out and 5am on the weekends to keep it semi-consistent.  I work an 8 hour day and come home and spend 3-4 hours on homework and am in bed by 9.

It sucks, honestly while the routine is great and I’ve actually been keeping my high peaks of anxiety at bay (I’m not a GREAT student, I get by and get my work done but school has always been a HUGE anxiety inducing activity).  The rest of my life goes by the wayside, now I’m trying to keep in mind that from all of this I will have a Bachelor’s Degree by the end of the year.  It has taken 6 years and two schools but it will be done!

This is why there has been much radio silence on mind end.  Tonight, on Thursday, I am having a major brain dump of inspiration and just wanting to share the real life happening right now.

I really would just love to live in yoga pants and baggie sweaters all day.  I would love to not have to work and just complete my degree.  I would love to figure out how to share BeachBody with people while not crawling out of my skin because it’s AWKWARD SAUCE!  People in sales, kudos!  My goal is to never “sell” anything except the opportunity for someone to better themselves and their life! (Could I sound anymore cheesy?)  Well this is what happens when I brain dump, it just ALL COMES OUT.

I do have actual topics that are stored away at the moment to provide you all with again when I can organize.  Actually the next one will be in two weeks! Keep your eyes peeled out!

Also, for the time being I am not sharing on the blog Instagram Handle so I do greatly apologize if you have tried to reach me on there.  I’ve had to do a lot of evaluating as to where my time and energy are spent and I’m not even sure I’m doing it right.  When do we know in life when we’ve got it “right”? I think that’s reaching for a perfection that only we can determine, so here’s to figuring it out! Talk to you guys in a few weeks!