Choose Yourself

“It’s not selfish to love yourself, take care of yourself, and make your happiness a priority. It’s necessary.” ~Mandy Hale

This quote sums up everything that has been brought to my attention as of late.  I have had a lot going on in my life and this reminder has just kept reoccurring in different forms.  This may be posts I see on Social Media, the news, articles I read, or just people sharing their experiences as of late.  There is a large common theme of “Focus on yourself, what makes you happy, figure it out and it will all work out how it is supposed to.”

I have spent a lot of time pondering:

What do I want to do?
What makes me happy?
What people do I want in my life?

The largest part though, trying to focus on choosing and putting myself first because ultimately my well-being, whether it is emotional, mental, or physical, is the most important thing.  It can be difficult to put yourself first as others may see it as you being selfish.  No offense to men, but as women we are expected to be able to balance every one and every thing.  Whether this is said verbally or not, it is implied in different conversations or actions.  With this in mind it becomes very hard to put ourselves first. To be quite honest, I think both men and women have varying degrees of this roll built into our brains.  I think women hold the roll in their head much more often and that’s where the stereotype lies.

I admit I myself fall into this mindset and put myself into that stereotype.  It’s frustrating because despite knowing that we are putting ourselves there we still do it.

I have a difficult time stating my needs or wants in a relationship or even admitting to myself what I need.  Most recently I had a realization that I need to be okay with independence.  I need to not be afraid of wanting to do things on my own or be afraid of upsetting someone by stating “I’d rather do this solo”.  This is hard for me as I am an individual who likes doing things with others as I like to share in the memories.  I also like to find common ground with others and have something that we enjoy doing together.  I am also a HUGE people pleaser.

Now as an individual you may struggle with saying “No” to work, family, friends, significant others, anyone and anything.  You may be known as the person people rely on for things such as help, shoulder to lean on, trading schedules, picking up the slack on a project, etc.  While this is all well and good there comes a time when you can say “No” and if they get mad at you after you do then can ask yourself “Are they really someone healthy to keep in my life?”

I have had to ask myself this question when I have had friends, colleagues, and family act in this way.  I also then look at myself, metaphorically but yes in the actual mirror sometimes, and ask myself what am I doing?  I ask this because they are only coming to me because I have allowed it to happen.  I have said yes every time without putting myself first.  Doing so, thinking that if I did otherwise I would be disappointing someone.

At the end of the day you hurt and disappoint yourself when not doing what is best for you.  Now, I do understand there are times when the right answer may be what is best for the other individual, these situations DO happen.  However, at the end of the day if you are not satisfied with yourself and your choices isn’t it worth it to look at them?

It’s tough sometimes to recognize when we stop choosing ourselves or putting our-self first.  It most often is recognized when we are deadbeat tired, we get angry quickly, we start feeling bad for ourselves, or we start resenting some one or some thing.  When we start wondering why our life sucks?  Why do other people seem so happy?

(I know you know what I’m talking about)

When this begins happening it’s my reality check.  I start asking myself those three questions I started with:

What makes me happy?
What do I want to do?

What people do I want in my life?

Then I start doing things for myself again, even if it just means I sit with myself, a cup of coffee, on my porch in the morning to start my day.  By that simple act I’ve taken time for myself to be with my own thoughts and begin thinking happy thoughts.  By that small act I choose myself, by that simple act I can begin working to choose myself more often.  I am not saying I’m perfect at it, clearly I’ve needed the reminder lately.  However, the more I practice that the more I can improve on choosing myself and putting myself first.

Instagram: @beyoufindyou
#beyoufindyou
Email: beyoufindyou@gmail.com

Strength

What comes to mind when you see or hear the word strength? Do you perhaps conjure up an image of an incredibly muscular man or woman lifting large amount of weights? Do you think of someone who has overcome a lot of hardships in their life? What about yourself, do you think of yourself as a strong individual?

As defined by me:
The ability to be aware of one’s own mental, emotional and physical capabilities.

In my short 26 years on this planet that is my definition of strength.  I do not believe that strength is solely defined by a person’s physical capabilities.  I believe a person’s true strength is determined and shown by their ability to be aware of their thoughts and emotions; their ability to persevere, despite their doubts or emotional stress in daily life.

To be honest not a single one of us can understand what another individual is going thru.  We may have walked a similar path but we are not walking theirs.  The best we are able to do is empathize with that person and try and be a shoulder for them to lean on.  In all honesty we do not know what it took for them to get up that morning.  We do not know what mental battle they are facing let alone that of an emotional battle.

I myself struggle with trying to let my emotions be what they are.  Even though I encourage others to do so and I say all the time I wear my heart on my sleeve.  I nullify that statement every time I don’t allow my sadness, anger, frustration, or depression thru.  Every time I ignore it or deny it I weaken myself for not acknowledging it is there.  By ignoring it I am simply letting it lie dormant and hurting myself by not addressing the mental thoughts that may be causing those emotions.

In the last week I have had much of my own emotional rollercoaster.  Part of it I recognized was that it was been 10 months since the passing of my Nanie.  After writing that sentence I realize that Friday morning, when I sat balling my eyes out in my boyfriend’s kitchen, it was 10 months and 1 day.  I can’t say I have denied my sadness or mourning but it has continued to creep up on me. I realized a large part of it was my birthday was 14 days ago, on our birthdays my Nanie would always call us and sing happy birthday.  This year, my birthday had one less happy birthday sung to me.

On the days I wonder how I persevere, how I keep going, I think most often of her. I think of the fact I physically can walk, run, bike, lift weights; when others cannot. I think of the ability I have to verbally share my emotions with the ones I love. I think of the ability I have to own my thoughts and think what I want and believe in myself. Some days, my strength to persevere simply comes from the fact I have the capability to breathe on my own.

Strength comes from within us, it always will, whether you are male or female.  Our physical strength can deteriorate, and yes for some our mental strength may as well.  Inside of us we will always have the ability to push forward.  Some days that may be “I can do this!” other days it may just mean throwing your hands up and saying “I can’t do this today”.  Either is 100% OKAY! It is not a sign of weakness to admit you can’t do something or that you are in need of help or a shoulder to lean on.

What I hope people get from this post is our weaknesses should be viewed as strengths.  Despite what we think as weak others my see as a strong attribute.  Never doubt yourself and always know you are fully capable of persevering through anything.

Remember your strength comes from within, it will always start from within.

Instagram: @beyou_findyou
#beyoufindyou
Email: beyoufindyou@gmail.com

 

 

Introduction

“My name is Desiree and I struggle from self-image issues as well as lack of self-confidence, I am in need of support.”  

I say this to you the reader, and to the world, because I don’t think it is something said often enough.  I don’t hear people admit they too, have self-doubts or could use more self-confidence.  I start my blog in such a way so that you recognize you’re not alone.  The world is filled with many of us young, middle-aged, short, tall, etc.  There is not a single person I know that does not have flaws that they might dislike or down right hate.  It’s not verbalized though, I want to verbalize them! I want our flaws to be acknowledged, I want our dislikes to be recognized.  I want us to know that having self-image issues or lacking self-confidence is OK, it is normal, and that a normal human being has them. You do not need to be afraid of them, or let them make you be afraid of life

I originally chose a book as my way to share my story.  I then decided that a blog might be a more universal way to speak to those who normally would have no interest in “self help.” I hope to create a community for girls, boys, men and women to be themselves.  To be able to talk with others about their concerns about self-confidence and self-doubt. I hope to create conversation starters and encourage strength, unity and positivity around self-confidence and self-esteem. I hope you read these posts and realize I’m very similar to you, I’m a “normal” human.  I do not have a doctorate in psychology, I’m not a public speaker. I am a twenty-five year old woman who works every day just like you do, to get up and face herself in the mirror.

So I am going to post a topic a month, I encourage all the readers to have conversations with myself and each other.

I want to hear your stories! Share them with me by Email me or tag me on Instagram.

Instagram: @beyou_findyou
#beyoufindyou
Email: beyoufindyou@gmail.com