Everyone has doubts, fears and frustrations that cause depression, anger, or sadness for ourselves and/or our own life.
I will say I have faced my inner mean girl in the mirror quite a few times. When I start doubting my own self worth, when I start doubting my ability to do something, or quite frankly when I start being judgmental of others.
“WAIT, did you just say judgmental of others?!”
Yes, yes I did because when I become judgmental of others (check out my previous post) I am truly more insecure about myself and/or my life then who they are or their actions.
My inner mean girl comes out when I see friends I know going out and partying and I wonder why I can’t do that. Well here is the reality check, I enjoy a glass of wine, good food, and good conversation. Do I enjoy going out? Sure! However, very harsh lesson this last week I do NOT enjoy going out and getting sh**faced. So why do I let my mean girl scream at me telling me it is what I SHOULD BE doing?
Can anyone answer that for me?
I sure can, I let her scream at me because I am trying to be something I am not. My mean girl screams at me right now because I joined this fitness community for different reasons then many of those who joined. My inner mean girl also screams at me when I am not living my own truth. She screams at me when I feel like a fake, I don’t mean fake like trying to party hardy when I don’t and can’t. What I mean is that she screams at me when I am working to put myself out there more and share my story.
When I write this blog, I have fully begun to embrace the not knowing. When I embrace the not knowing, my mean girl shuts up! My mean girl starts to chime in every single time I write. She chimes in because who am I to think I have anything to share with the world? Who am I to think that I will impact a single human beings life?
I will never know if I do not try.
What I also notice is that my inner mean girl screams at me when there is lots of change going on. My life right now, well we will go with the whirlwind comparison. At this time I can’t say things are where I thought they would be, my stress is a bit out there, I am unbalanced, not sure where my relationships stand let alone where I stand. She’s screaming at me, shoving all my doubts, my fears, my self-conscious tendencies into my head. Filling my head and heart with dread, frustration, sadness, fear and anger.
Heading into the holiday season our inner mean girl will probably come out a lot. Not only because of the food we know we will consume but also because of the elaborate gifts we will see people buy, the engagements and babies that will be around every corner and the family reunions that will happen and make many feel less then.
Once again I am here to tell you that you are not alone! I’m right here with you and that the best thing you can do for yourself is start looking in the mirror more. Find someone who can be the person that you can say “She’s screaming at me” and they know what you’re talking about and can help you shut her up.
Be you, put yourself first, and find out who you are. This doesn’t just apply to the you during the good times, it’s discovering who you are when you have doubt and fear screaming in your face.