So what do I mean when I reference friendship as a season? Well let me give you the background and you’ll see.
One day, I was sitting in my therapist’s office ranting about a friendship that had just seemed to fizzle out and she looked at me and said:
“What if we don’t think about it as the “end” of this friendship? What if we thought about it like a season? The season of this friendship is just over.”
It made me think about some of my friendships. Some friends I have never talked to again and sometimes for good reason; others have walked back into my life. Seasons repeat themselves, at least in New England they do, and they also tend to slowly slide away and into something new. Unless there is a large fight most often friendships do not just end abruptly. Are you understanding the comparison yet?
Many people walk in and out of our lives, we have those that are constant, one continuous season, we have those that leave permanently and then we have those that enter in and out throughout our life.
Throughout my life I have lost friends, and there were many times I didn’t understand why we stopped being friends. I know I can’t be the only one but as I’ve become an adult it is harder to understand. Again, I am currently only 26 so I know there are many more years of this. Having my therapist put the thought of friendship into this light has truly been eye opening. I thought I had lost a friend, I thought we had parted ways and that we were not destined to be long time friends despite our connection. We went months without talking and then they called me one day and it was like nothing changed. We were able to pick up right where we left off, but then again a few weeks later the cycle repeated. This was when I brought it to my therapist, upset and frustrated that for some reason the friendship seemed to not be succeeding.
In adopting this thought process I do not feel so defeated or lacking self-confidence when a friend and I stop talking. Well, unless it was a bitter split then I’ll admit it hurts and I may get angry and feel defeated. When I think about it as a season though, I think of it as a beautiful thing. I think of it in picture form, I think of my favorite parts of it, and I think about what I enjoyed most. I look forward to the possibility that the friendship may re-occur. So, most often, I will reach out to the individual again just to check in or if I run into something that makes me think of them.
Can you think about your favorite season, think about a friend that you had in that season, can you say that you are still friends? Do you talk, text, hang out? If you don’t when was the last time you did? Do you notice that there is a pattern?
Think of your favorite parts of your friendship, think of your friend/s and smile, they have benefited your life in many ways even if it was tough when the friendship ended or changed seasons, you were able to learn a lesson.