A favorite idiom of mine is we must crawl before we walk, we must walk before we run.
I feel this applies to almost anything in life. Before you can excel at something you must learn how to do it. You must accept and be happy with pieces of you before you can be happy with your entire self. To get over an ended relationship you must be able to get out of bed in the morning before you can go through your day.
I believe for anyone who has self confidence issues, you need to start by appreciating the “small” things about you. You start small by appreciating the color of your eyes, your freckles, your smile or maybe it’s your sense of humor. Recognizing and appreciating small things, like I just mentioned, are where you begin to crawl. Once you start appreciating that one thing about you, that you grow to love about yourself, or you believe is your best feature you start finding others.
For instance, as I’ve mentioned before, I have curly frizzy hair in a world of pin straight hair. For many, many years I used the word “hate” when I discussed my hair. I would flat iron it constantly or put it up so that the curls were not visible. Even when it was straight it had more volume than those around me and it was frizzy. Finally when I hit high school I decided I needed to come to terms with the curls. They were clearly not going away and my hairdresser at the time was constantly telling me I just needed to let them be and that they were in fact beautiful. Slowly, in my own time, when I didn’t think many of my peers would see me, I would wear my hair curly on the weekends to allow myself to see it and appreciate it. I began to crawl.
Once you begin to crawl you want to walk right? You start to get curious what the world looks like from two legs. For this you start looking at who you are, what your morals are, what you are passionate about. You begin to love your passion for woodworking, animals, art, reading, anything that you are passionate about. You begin to recognize the parts of you that make you, YOU! Not just the physical aspects of you but what some might call your morals, your soul, or your personality.
When I was younger I got teased for being a “goodie two shoes”, I rarely took risks that others did, I never really lied to my parents, I didn’t smoke or drink in high school. It’s not how I was raised and honestly not what I wanted to do. I spent time with my family, stayed home and watched movies with them, my sister is and was my best friend. Family is what I am passionate about, this is how I walk.
When you run, that’s the best feeling. I believe when you run it is you running head on at life. You have the self-confidence in not just your physical appearance but how you present yourself to the world. Having found what makes your life meaningful, whether it be family, a sport, an activity, anything at any given moment that can put a smile on your face. The running step in this idiom to me is all about how you personify yourself. These last few years, while I began working on this blog, I ran the fastest I have ever run. I had the confidence in myself to cut off all of my hair into a pixie cut, put myself out there in relationships and lastly put myself in front of those at work to get to where I wanted to be in the company. I ran and took risks and I don’t regret it for one moment. It’s been clarifying and eye opening on how much I have grown as a person.
Now when we do the reverse, when we run before we crawl, we can hurt ourselves. When you believe you’re the hot shot in art class, you’ve been told you can paint the best fruit bowl, feels good doesn’t it? However then the teacher says the next piece you do will be in charcoal and you just come up with a black blob, do you get frustrated? Do you feel deflated? You might, then your circle of self doubt could start over again, you could spiral down fast and never go to an art class again. I’ve seen it happen, heck I’ve done it personally. You know the most disappointing thing, I ended up being my own worst enemy.
What we need to truly remember is that when we are able to see the little things in ourselves that are what we find the most attractive, then truly others will. If they don’t, are they really worth it? So let’s crawl, walk and run together and find ourselves.